Brandon Auman

9/30/08

In the course of human events, there rises one man, who is far superior to all other men. In recent years many have claimed this one man to be Chuck Norris. I argue that it is Solid Snake, not Chuck Norris, is that men of men. Solid Snake is often seen sneaking around in cardboard boxes, and stabbing people when they least expect it. Wait, no, come to think of it, Snake is never seen in his cardboard box. That is one of the many reasons why he far superior to Chuck Norris.

Solid Snake, a former CIA agent of the U.S. government, has had many years of stealth combat action. He is the man for any job involving the infiltration of an enemy position, and the total destruction of all the enemies combat resources. Snake has destroyed no less then nine, that’s right nine, nuclear equipped walking battle tanks! A feat Chuck Norris can not even come close to. His success in these missions has been thanks to his awesome and very lethal sneaking ability. If Snake willed it, he could kill you before you even knew someone else was in the room with you.

Those nuclear equipped battle tanks I mentioned are called Metal Gear’s. A Metal Gear is a bi-pedal tank that has the ability to launch a nuclear missile from anywhere on the planet, from any terrain, to any other point on the globe. Metal Gear’s are heavily guarded and stashed in government controlled military bases from around the world. With that in mind, take into account Snake as destroyed nine of them. That is the single most impressive feat since Jesus walked on water.

Now, I can see why people say Chuck Norris is the man. It does take a man of awesome strength to kick a tree in half. I must also mention that sneaking into Vietnam to rescue a half a dozen POW’s is not something to shake a stick at either. However; that is just another day at the office for our hero Snake. The downside to Snake is that he lacks the sheer power the Chuck Norris possesses, but what he lacks in strength, he makes up in agility. Snake has been seen dodging bullets where as Chuck Norris simply “eats” them, as the kids say now a days.

So now you can clearly see that Solid Snake is the better of the two men. Chuck has his strength, but ultimately strength is nothing when met with the agility, speed and deadly stealth action Snake brings to the table. Snake has been and always will be the best man to ever walk the earth, and when I am old and grey my grandchildren will still tell stories about how awesome Solid Snake was!